This week saw the teams devising their own fitness class, the license of which they were then to sell to gym companies and this is where their revenue would come. Stephen was pretty quick to put himself forward as PM for Phoenix, this is his sector and apparently what he does all day every day. So without fuss he elected himself unopposed. As he put it, if he fails in this task he would indeed be on the chopping block as he has no excuse for not winning. Ricky Martin opted to front Team Sterling, this despite guest vocals from Jenna, but Ricky was appointed PM following a vote. Both teams then settled to agree on a concept for their class.
Ricky was pretty organised, running what seemed like a sensible and democratic brain storming. He, as a professional singer (oh sorry wrestler) was naturally bent on having a combat inspired class, but he was as passionate as the rest of his team in combining it with street dance to form Beat Battle, a catchy name and a pretty decent product. Sterling were, at this point, very focussed, Ricky decisive in a manner in which he didn’t alienate other’s ideas or make anyone lose face, so with the ship steady and the destination clear the team split in two to investigate the different elements that would make up Beat Battle. This resulted in Ricky, Laura and Jenna going to a Thai kick-boxing gym to learn some moves, whilst Duane, Nick and Gabrielle went to learn how to throw some street shapes, Nick displaying just how current he is with his inability to remember ‘new jack swing’ looking more like Nick Hewer’s age than 25. Being fair to Sterling they did very well, looking organised and making sound and logical decisions to differentiate their routine from others on the market which are similar, the main distinctions being the use of elbows instead of punches, which boxercise employs, and its marriage with street dance. Bit of a comedy moment when the fitness instructor asks Laura if she has any fitness experience, bit of a mean question for ‘a good looking business woman’.
Stephen and Phoenix on the other hand couldn’t be more different. Take any one of team Phoenix, with the exception of possibly Tom and the perpetually sulky Azhar, if brought into the boardroom to face a firing you could happily dismiss all of them. It seems that all that leaks out of Stephen’s mouth is absolute, thoughtless drivel. The brainstorming session for Phoenix seemed like infant school children deciding what to play with from a massive playtime toy-box. Adam took a hiatus from playing shop and wanted, like all little boys, to play with a skipping rope, perhaps they had one as pink as his face. Katie, somehow buoyant from some ill gotten confidence looked to swap hide and seek with a new form of exercise kiss chase, suggesting that just what sweaty singletons are looking for is potential sweaty dates in a speed-dating fitness session, moron. She had a second equally ill-conceived idea of using retro toys, literally everything left in their idiot’s toy-box, to somehow get fit. Being a team of abject cretins they picked up retro and ran with it. Cue Stephen, Tom and Azhar’s visit to an 80s disco. The gentlemen stood on a multicoloured, flashing dance floor, with stifled glee hidden behind their ever reddening faces (Adam his usual hue), whilst being treated to some sort of lame table dance by three young women in loose fitting tops and daft leg warmers. When quizzed about 80s dance
exercise the middle girl suggested Michael Jackson’s ‘Friller’, I think she meant thriller, bless. This left us with Adam sashaying back and forth like an effeminate Lion from The Wizard of Oz, oh if he only had a brain. For all of Sterling’s sensible questions and thought, Phoenix were more than happy to offer some buggering about. The only sensible suggestion from the team came from Tom, severing his competition with Azhar to see who could look the most moody, to rightly point out that a gym would not thank them for introducing a load of equipment which could only be used with their unique class, and not making use of the equipment that would be abundant in a gym.
Next step, shoot a video. Duane took the mantle for Sterling, but this soon descended into a small fallout between him, Nick and Laura. They argued the toss on almost every decision and despite the fact that they eventually came up with a decent video they were still arguing when they got back to the car. To be honest Laura had a point. Duane was directing a video making decisions that would cut out the martial arts element of their routine in their example, leaving the class looking like a typical dance exercise class and not representing their brand correctly. Nick tried to make them kiss and make up but Duane insisted that they were fine and they shouldn’t be forced to shake hands. I think he had enjoyed watching her dance too much and would be embarrassed about getting too close for a few minutes.
It all fell apart for Phoenix on their shoot also. Ahzar was selected to dress like a misery from the 1980s, complete with a pair of tiny, orange shorts that would have looked comfortable on Rudi Voller. Adam was choreographer. He might as well have been, he is equally as useless in any role, but there is something particularly loathsome about him dismissing Jade, who no doubt should not have been director, I mean a woman as director (Adam’s view, not mine), like some long, upright, pink worm in a white t-shirt, shouting ‘Big Smiles Everyone’ and singing his own version of Flashdance...What a Feeling. What a nob. ‘Groove Train’ the DVD was complete, complete with complete wally Azhar, I actually felt sorry for him in this task, he had to wear his Big Smile, poor boy.
Next part of the task was to pitch the classes. By and large Ricky did this very well. He was aware that the first pitch didn’t go so well, but picked up on the areas where he had come unstuck, addressing them well for the subsequent pitches. His approach was intelligent and organised and he represented a team that had been equally organised and professional throughout the task thus far, he was even told that one of his answers was a good one by one of the gyms. Praise indeed.
Stephen couldn’t be further from the polished individual that Ricky was. With cheesy video in hand he mumbled unintelligibly through his pitch, making up prices and statistics as he went. The obvious questions were asked, including ‘would every participant need a spacehopper?’ a first I imagine.
So then to the boardroom. Everyone was behind Ricky in Team Sterling, and when offered the opportunity to sell Duane out over the video Laura was generous, refusing to criticise him heavily, suggesting that he had simply taken control of the video. Stephen also had the unanimous support of his team, but as the idiot led the stupid what more could you expect.
When it came to numbers though the story shifted. Sterling amassed about 8 grand, with two of the three gym networks liking the product, placing orders. Phoenix received three unanimous ‘they hated it’ when being told of their sales, but the Virgin Active group liked their concept as a children’s workout, giving them a £12000 order. They won, somehow, but they won. Any three from that team, as I stated above could have been sacked but they won. It was an absolute travesty, distilled stupidity reigns it seems.
Ricky had a hard task but eventually saw the video as the weak spot, deciding to bring Duane and Laura into the final three. This was perhaps an error as had he taken Jenna in she would have gone, had he taken Gabrielle she would have had to work very hard to stay in it. Maintaining, though, the professional approach the final three didn’t descend too much into childish squabbling, they fought their corners well without flinging vitriol. Lord Sugar silenced the three then fired Duane. He did this citing the video as the reason for the failure of the task, really though the task was failed by the other team getting lucky, absolute bollocks. After he was fired Duane quickly reverted to the character that he has been throughout the process so far. Ever the gentleman he smiled, thanks Lord Sugar, Nick and Karren, tapped his fellow candidates on the shoulder and left the boardroom.
So another week another shock firing. In my mind the two favourites have been let go in consecutive weeks. I think Duane will be fine, he is a nice guy and has represented himself well, and who knows perhaps he, Ricky Martin and his brother Simon Webb can start their own super group.
After this week’s display Ricky has moved into the favourite position in my house.
Cheers
Andrew D. Clark
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